Deliciously Wired

what the hell am I doing

2009-11-05T02:40:38Z

あんた大嫌いな。。。
でも。。。あるいはうちのことを大嫌いになってる。どっちか分からない。
彼女と別れたって私に言うたら、どういう意味ねん？
共通の友達がレコードを混ぜているハーローウィンの夜、私が酔っぱらって前の悩みを全くかまわなかって、前の楽しいところのように一緒に遊んだ。本当に、うちは何してるねんってよく考えたのに。あなた大嫌いから。あなたは私に「ヒミツの前の彼女」にしたから。あなたの人生から私のことを全く削除したみたいから。そんなことを単純に忘れられないで！

だって。。。

今、あのやろうと遊ぶかと考えている。なんでのかな。。。あんたに酷いことについてまだわばを待っているな。待っています。酷く待ったいます。

だって。。。

あんた臆病者だ！！と何度も言っても、私も同じものじゃないやろう？　たんにあなたの嫌な行動を説明してあやまってくれたら、許すから。なんでか分からない。人間は心弱いものやな。。。

分かる点は何のもない。

写真で１０月

2009-11-04T07:47:43Z

Look at this wizard cat's face.

hallowe'en

2009-11-02T06:00:34Z

I'm thinking about getting dressed up one more time and going to the woods for some slightly better pictures ... Billy Blake.

too much stress (or) ストレス高くなちゃった。

2009-10-30T04:32:34Z

Right in this very moment,

I really just wanna move back to Osaka. With my bike. And spend my free days taking my bike on the train to nice places, and riding it all over. After, a coffee, a sandwich, at some cafe where everything is beautiful and the atmosphere is well-kept.

I ride the narrow streets of Philadelphia, keeping to the very left-edge of the bike lane, fearing a door or pedestrian. The Osaka streets, stretched on in wide empty swaths from all ends of the city. Wind blowing, thigh muscles burning, no helmet.

I started a conversation club at school, meeting three times a week. It's been all right so far. As expected, I put a lot of effort into getting people conversing at all - asking them questions and talking about myself. Someday, a fabled Japanese person or language superior will arrive.

I study JLPT preparatory texts seven days of the week. Not that time consuming, but another addition to the schedule.

A friend of mine accused me of having time once not long ago, the proof of which could be seen through my Internet status updates and images... It's been extremely poor of me not to say anything back since the accusation, but, I still find the accusation unnecessarily extreme.

I went to New York City last weekend, finally, to go see my homegirls... But they were tired and sick, and primarily busy, and we didn't really do the kind of hanging out I would've liked. We ran around to parties, and they invited their other friends along, and the time was never just for the three of us. But that's their lives in New York, and I am a visitor. And when they come to Philly, they'll have to deal with my running around and other social circles.

I saw my friends that live two blocks away twice last week. We ate dinner together. I saw my friend that lives one block away from me once this week. We watched a movie. Other than that, no contact.

I stay up late into the night. I read for my classes. I study my Japanese. I ride to and from school. My friend that lives near Cecil B Moore and 3rd streets ... Hell, I've only been to his house once. We don't hang out that often. A few times we ate lunch at Temple.

My friend that lives near 11th and Spring Garden, I see him a few times every few weeks. Cause it's on the way home. Cause he calls me, like a reminder of his proximity, implores I stop by, if only for a short bit. We'll watch a movie, or listen to music, and talk about our persisting problems. If I stop at his house, it's only a twenty minute ride back home in the dark, at the end of a long day.

And everyone else that I know in this city... They live in South Philly or North Philly. And yeah, to be honest, I don't think I have the time to go those ways if they're not on the way home, at this stage in my life, this fall of 2009, autumn of looking for direction in no direction.

Someone I used to see every day and hang out with all the time, since I got back from Japan, I've seen once. One Saturday, my housemate had told me about a good coffee shop near South Street, so I rode there to study and write my weekly essay in Japanese. And by chance, that friend sent to Twitter his location nearby. I rode over. We caught up. And when I will see him next, I'm not sure. But it was good that one time.

There are no promises. It's no use making promises. When will we meet next? I'm not sure. To label these differences of time and place as "avoiding me" or "making no effort" is fucking frustrating. It makes me feel poorly that a friend believes I am making no effort towards our friendship, but I can't help but think about how content my other friends are to meet up when we meet up, and wonder why that contact must be so explicit and frequent for this one friend. Was our relationship ever that intense?

It makes me feel poorly that I feel annoyed at the accusation. If you look at it from the accuser's side, certainly, I make no effort. I haven't phoned or visited. But why do I make no effort? Who knows. That wasn't inquired. According to the accuser, I am indeed not that busy, am only particular to spend time with those in West Philly, and cannot be bothered keeping in contact with anyone outside of my physical convenience.

I have thought about this fucking argument every single day since it has transgressed. It only makes me annoyed, further so by the fact that if I indeed made the effort to contact the accuser and make promise to spend time together, it would be so painfully contrived. Or I would have to break the promise because I am busy. YES busy.

It is shameful that I don't know what you're going through, but bringing it up in a manner that selfishly fails to consider what I myself have been dealing with or why I haven't been in contact, is no way to get me to come around. Too dramatic. That is behavior for a significant other.

Let me just take it back to this: We used to go out over the summer and dance our little heads off. Sometimes you would tell me to go out with you, and I would. And then I would find myself dancing alone, wondering where you were, only to discover you were socializing with other people. And I quickly figured out that if I was going to go out with you, it didn't necessarily mean that we were going to be hanging out. So... Based on history alone, I really can't believe that you expected us to hang out and have some sort of quality time, that night when I didn't meet you at the No Libs bars. I can't believe you went home almost in tears. It may be true, but I just don't understand why.

I just have to pose this question - why did our relationship have to become one of making effort? Who made it that way?

Before I started school, you said that we could hang out now that you weren't so busy all the time with school.

Except now I'm busy all the time with school.

全く。。。

2009-10-19T03:06:24Z

From the walk around nowhere today. Now it's 11. What have I done with my time ...

number18 @ 2009-10-15T03:08:00

2009-10-15T07:40:58Z

The other night I watched The Piano with Holly Hunter and Harvey Keitel. I did so for a school assignment, for my film midterm, thinking it might be sort of corny or some drawn-out period drama. Holly Hunter cannot speak, or chooses not to, and is married off to some wretched idiot living in Australia. Harvey Keitel's character, Baines, is the go-between man for her husband, an Englishman with Maori tattoos on his face who cannot read. He watches her play.

Baines, some thug. Some sensuous gentlemanly thug. He's not a thug. Boy, sometimes am I ever in the mood for a certain type of movie, and The Piano was it the other night.

Watch it sometime. Caressing of arms and shoulders and gripping the back of the neck, and all his gentle sounds. All that muscle and longing.

Meanwhile, I remain disappointed in myself for staying up so late every night, not caring about the work of my days at school, and feeling anxious for not properly studying Japanese... I began taking birth control again for the main purpose of clearing up my skin, second purpose to regulate my periods ... But they made me gain all this mysterious weight around my midsection and breasts. I don't want it. I also realize that my periods were perfectly fine. Indeed, my skin is not that much better anyway... To hell with the hormones. Maybe they are also contributing to this strange breed of pathetic melancholy. To hell with them.

As autumn intensifies, I find myself wanting a late-night companion, a sensual friend. But I don't think I really need that. I just need to get out of my room, and get my time back to be productive. And once I do that, then I can flirt with wine and flesh.

number18 @ 2009-10-12T00:31:00

2009-10-12T04:40:25Z

Fuck man, it's gonna seriously bust me up if I am able to watch yet another person I care about court someone else via the Net.

Yeah, you know BK, what you did, I still think it was fucking cold.

先日

2009-10-02T05:12:54Z

I dig this bumper sticker.

Outrageously awesome LARP-style FOUR HOUR battle for the kids in the park.

Delicious raw food wrap jawn. They sell from a cafe at 45th and Baltimore.

All the West Philly boys.

You need a beef taco?

Love, the Amish.

Onigiri I made.

Clouds and flags.

目的は？

2009-09-30T03:39:56Z

Bought a ticket to Osaka for winter break. It's round trip. Just a visit. I wasn't prepared anyway, but I missed the deadline to register for the JLPT (Japanese Language Proficiency) test this December. I took some crummy JLPT practice test and it gave me 52%, pointing out something I already knew, which is my kanji game is busted. I'm trying, struggling every day to figure out a balance of studying Japanese as seriously as I was in Middlebury, while also doing regular school work and life shit.

Meaning, my visit to Osaka, when all my friends over there will be working, should be some interesting personal time.

I'm making a NO ENGLISH Japanese conversation club at school. But it's going to be full of first and second year Genki textbook users who have had almost no speaking practice before... I think back to myself at that level and wonder how serious the people who will show up to the first meeting will be.

Japanese is the only thing I can remember throwing myself into. I want to learn Japanese. I want to be there looking at things and doing stuff. I need to pass that JLPT 2 test. But since I missed the deadline for this year, I was thinking of just aiming for JLPT level 1, the test for which won't be until December 2010. It's the highest level. I keep being like, oh man that's tough! But that's a whole other year away. That's a good chunk of time to be getting down with memorization, reading, writing practice ... all that.

And then after I pass JLPT level 1, what? Get a job doing something funny over there. I keep thinking I will flesh out my academic interests in the second half of my undergrad time, so that by the time I graduate, I will have some interesting shit to push over into Japan.

What will my skillsets be other than Japanese? I want to stay away from computers because my body cannot take the strain, but all my interests are closely connected to the machine. I'll take photographs. Document things. Talk to people. But not be a journalist or sociologist or whatever. Activist for the power and need of local media...

I need direction, but to talk to professors about where to go next, I need to figure out just even a little something...

Although I gravitate towards it, I find the role of a researcher somewhat loathsome. Research is cool but seems so tied up endless reading and staying inside. And I think I am by nature, too selfish to develop into any consequential activist type.

Why is the fear of making choices that lead to set-back so debilitating for me?

I still need to visit the south and southwest, and take my aunt up on her offer to live near San Francisco for a summer or something. But time, time, I don't have it... I haven't even had the time to make it up to New York City on a bus to see my homegirls. But they know what's going on, we all got crazy shit busting our heads right now.

drinkin that haterade

2009-09-18T07:39:11Z

I just watched Dancer in the Dark for the first time (after so many people have been shocked to discover I had never seen it). It's 3 in the morning. Tears falling, salty cheeks, and remembering feeling completely powerless to protect myself.

Anyway ... I'm copying a disc to my computer before bed, and while waiting for it to finish, I clicked on this website that was talking about the Kanye West incident when Taylor Swift one her VMA. Surely, if you use facebook, you know all about this thing by now...

Kanye got up and declared Beyonce's video for Single Ladies to be the best one of the decade, and to be real, I can't say it's the best of the decade but it is certainly fucking FIRE that has to be recognized.

Now, since I heard of this incident to just now, I hadn't watched the video Taylor Swift had apparently won her award for. This girl is a country singer. The song sounds like trash and the lyrics are contrived. You could of course argue that Beyonce's song is just as contrived, but there is so much more sting to it...

Anyway, I watched the Taylor Swift video. How disgusting. Let me get this out of the way:

I AM SO SICK SIIIIICK OF LONG-HAIRED BLOND BITCHES AND THESE GODDAMN SUBURBAN FOOTBALL HIGH SCHOOL NERDY GIRL WEARING MOTIFS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN DONE WITH IN THE 80S AND PROBABLY EARLIER! NERDY GIRL TURNS INTO BEAUTIFUL BLOND WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS??? PERFECTLY COIFED BLONDISH FOOTBALL STAR DATING A BITCHY CONTROLLING BRUNETTE CHICK? AND THIS HEROINE OF THE SONG WANTS TO DATE THIS MOTHERFUCKER? ARE WE NOT DONE WITH PUSHING THESE ABSURD THEMES? FUCK I HAVE GOT TO GET OUT OF CAPSLOCK BUT NOT YET NOT YET!

NO MATTER HOW MUCH GIRLS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL WANT TO THROW THEMSELVES AT DUDES THAT WON'T GIVE THEM THE TIME OF DAY WE DO NOT NEED FUCKING VIDEOS PLAYING OUT THESE EVENTS IN A HOLLYWOOD BLOND BITCH BLITZED OUT ....

HOLD ON HOLD ON　holon holon...

Hipster Runoff does it better than me.

If you analyze Taylor Swift’s ‘award winning video,’ you will realize that it is a ‘fucking sham.’ I think the gimmick/theme of the song, is supposed to be some sort of plea to a boy to like her because she has a beautiful+interesting+creative soul instead of the generic ‘hot ass cheerleader type.’

It seems like this video is supposed to appeal to ‘tweens who feel left out’/like they don’t ‘fit in.’ It is a song about sexual desire and obsession over one perfect boy, declaring that he ‘belongs to you.’ You are entitled to him. Feel good about who you are, because if he really got 2 know u, he would love u 4 all of the right reasons. Concepts like these lead to teenage obesity since kids are told that some1 will like them for ‘what’s inside.’ They neglect to take care of their health, and eventually become mopey college students who sit around in a ‘dreamworld’ waiting on their modern Prince Charmbro.

I prefer Beyonce’s artsy booty video to Taylor Swift’s high school puff piece.

If you haven't seen the video for Single Ladies (old hat by now, come on), to me it's a beautiful gleaming cyborg bad bitch fantasy. Google that ish, watch it in HD!

old bits of poorly written things I never edited

2009-09-15T05:30:19Z

(This stuff all takes place in the same universe - if the recurring names don't point that out)

where it started
I sat down with a seat between us and she looked over at me with a grin and a perked eyebrow. She told me “knock that off” and moved into the empty seat, palm out to shake my hand. “Kay.” She had a firm grip. I looked down at her hand (hell of a grip) and came back with a glimpse of her nipple pushing against the thin fabric of her dress. Look at her eyes. Look at those instead. Clear grey eyes. Marksman’s eyes, by a few different accounts, I recalled, trying to shake that glimpse she’d given me.

“So, Rahl,” she said, flicking the R of my name on her tongue, “You’re signing up for this frontier mission, too?”

I nodded. “Yeah, you really can’t beat the offer.”

She laughed. “I guess you’re right.”

“You are too?”

“Yep…”

where were you
He knelt down and took her wrists in his hands. Her eyes never left his. They were waiting for him. Scared but now trusting. The sense of empowerment that gave him was sickening, but despite it, he smiled at her. Her wild animal gaze softened, took on more of the humanity he knew existed in her. Why did he always have to wait for her before he did anything?

Rahl stood his captain up and pulled her into his arms. He was sure that if she hadn’t been already latching onto him, he would’ve just put his vest on her and started walking. In the moonlight, he could see their camp easily in the distance over her shoulder.

place looked like a golf course
I threw up my hand and called the other two thugs over. Suli showed first; he was right there. But Rahl kept where he was for a moment, looking at something pretty hard before he turned heel and came over. He reminded me of a cat sometimes, Rahl did, and I never quite liked when he did peculiar things like that. Made me uneasy, always thinking something might be coming. I suppose that kind of feeling was something I should’ve been thankful for, since it kept me on my toes, but sometimes I just got tired of that creepy shit. Rahl was quiet as usual when he came over.

“What’s on, boss?” Suli asked, casually adjusting a few of his pack belts, throwing his dark eyes up at me in between hard, examining tugs on his equipment.

“Braga thought we might kick here tonight,” I said, nodding over to him. Suli paused to look over in Braga’s direction as well, brow popped curiously up.

skin saturdays
Channel 70 had Sexy Saturdays every first and third weekend of the month. It was billed as a four hour block of erotic films, but channel 70 was a owned by Amripa Group and erotic meant pornographic. Ordinarily, in the cities, staying in on a Saturday night to watch porno would be considered a statement of social handicap, but for cyborgs stuck on the isolated front duty, it was a all right way to spend an evening.

Hearing this, one might wonder if four hours alone watching porn was really preferable to being in the good-natured company of others, but usually the assholes that questioned this were oblivious to the fact that frontline cyborgs patrolled in squads only four and five strong, for months at time. Sometimes you needed that special alone time.

versek towers
Kay came to consciousness slowly. Drifting away from a soft dream into the world of grimy skin and one sticky cotton-blend sheet tangled around her legs. A lush bass line began to organize itself, filling the warm darkness, pressing thickly against her skin. This was the song she'd fallen asleep to, the record now probably on its fourth or fifth play, music she had put on to go to sleep to, or invite someone over to undress. Suli hadn't called.

Kay kicked the off-white cotton sheet away from her legs as she considered her options. She should get up, turn the fan on, open a window or something. Put a shirt on at least, to make some transition from napping to waking life. But she hated wearing clothes in her apartment. She only wore shorts now because the floor-to-ceiling windows in her studio were directly on level with the apartment towers across the way, and she didn't care for giving free pussy shows while she slept. Tits were fine. Tits were everyday and out there and normal, and besides, hers were little enough to be almost inconsequential.

新しいカメラとか

2009-09-14T07:18:04Z

はい、どうぞ。

(this is with my point-and-shoot)

(this too)

(thiiis one too)

all this is on manual setting... as you can see, i had trouble getting colin in focus and figuring the light and whatnot...

Testing. For a long time, testing, practice...

Pearce.

Back to the point-and-shoot.

There's my bike on the very end (red), and then a yellow KHS flite frame one bike over. Hah.

Very first pic I took with the Nikon D3000... My room in my new place.

renkon kinpira and kimchi panjeon late lunch jawn

2009-09-12T19:58:32Z

First time making lotus root kinpira today. It's basically lotus root sauteed in sesame oil for a bit, then simmered in a mix of soy sauce, mirin, sake, and some sugar, until all the liquid is gone. Yum!!

Now, burdock kinpira is my jam. I made it all the time in Osaka, and it was delicious and quick. However, when I would buy it from supermarkets and conbini, it would be a little too sweet, too soy-sauce'y for me. So I preferred to make my own. On the contrary, I loved the taste of store-bought renkon (lotus root) kinpira. Kinpira calls for a little bit of chili peppers in the mix, and for some reason, store-bought renkon kinpira is slightly sweet, crisp (さくさく！ sort of snaps like a good pickle), and has a bit of heat from the chili pepper. I could eat it alllllll day.

Anyway, my own renkon kinpira did not have that perfect balance of slightly sweet and a little hot. I think I added a bit more renkon than needed, and also threw some carrots in the mix, without increasing the amount of liquids, therefore leaving the flavor a little too subtle. But that good crunch was still there, so thank god.

Along with this, I made (daikon radish) kimchi panjeon, also known as scallion pancakes ya'll! I usually avoid dishes that require frying in any good amount of oil, because it makes the house really smell for a while, and getting rid of the oil afterwards (if one does not fry often, therefore not having an oil jar) can be a bother.

Panjeon could very well be okonomiyaki, except it's pan-fried in oil instead of cooked on a lightly oiled griddle. Same concept, slightly different batter and lack of shredded cabbage. Oh, and no okonomiyaki sauce, I guess. I am using gyoza sauce from Trader Joe's to dip in. Anywho, I made the pancakes too thick and so they cooked well on the outside but remained somewhat battery and gooey on the inside. Still pretty tasty though.

My own damn fault for not taking pictures with my fancy new camera. But you know, after cooking, getting messy, and cleaning up, I don't feel like getting my camera out. Soon though. I'll get it all under control...

鍋作ったで

2009-09-12T07:30:25Z

Tonight I made nabe. That means pot, but when you refer to making nabe, it means you made a hot pot stew. In the autumn and winter, nabe parties are the thing to do, at least it was during my time in Osaka. People usually have these large, wide ceramic pots with lids that they get from their parents (you can buy them easily enough, I guess, but it's that kind of "at my mom's house" thing, I think). You go to the supermarket and buy any number of the following: cabbage (or any one of a dozen tasty, leafy Japanese vegetables whose names I do not know, carrots, daikon radish, mushrooms (shimeji, enoki, shiitake, etc), chives, green onions, regular onions, any kind of meat or seafood, tofu, shiritaki noodles... Whatever you want, but mostly a bounty of vegetables, with some protein.

You take all these ingredients and prepare them beforehand. Then you get your nabe pot ready on the stove. Pour your stock in, and before it's boiling put in the stuff that will take the longest to cook, usually the meats. The stock can be made of whatever you want - in Japanese supermarkets you can buy readymade nabe stocks, of all sorts of themes and flavors, but in my case tonight I just started with 5 cups of water, two tablespoons of soy sauce, 5/8 cup cooking sake, and the fat off the chicken I was using. After this all gets boiling, start to add the denser vegetables, all the way up to the leafy vegetables, and just let it get simmering in its own juices for a bit, on medium heat.

Then, in proper nabe parties, someone has a gas-powered burner in the middle of a table, which all your friends are gathered around, drinking and chatting away. You bring the nabe (covered) from the stove, put it on that burner on low heat, and then pull off the lid before everybody, to much oohing and ahhing. Next, your friend ladles a bit of stock into a small bowl, along with the delicious stewing vegetables and meats. Since the your bowl is small, you continue to serve yourself straight from the nabe pot.

Usually everyone stuffs themselves silly at nabe parties, cause the pot itself is big, and it typically gets refilled at least once, and after that someone takes leftover rice from a separate night's meal and puts it in the remaining stock, creating a delicious porridge. There's also beer and other spirits, and after that, since it's a party, someone's brought dessert.

It's really nice. Tonight I made nabe, on a rainy, somewhat chilly evening, and had three friends over. We drank beer, and someone brought a bit of chocolate cake, and after there was barely tea. My friends had never eaten nabe before, and were delighted, I think. I was delighted the first time I had nabe myself. It's like a potluck, I suppose. Except that all the stuff people bring over goes in that one pot.

Before making the nabe, I went to H Mart, which is a chain of very nice Korean supermarkets in the area. Among other things, I bought lotus root, burdock root, and dried hijiki seaweed in particular. All three of these things can be made into their own absolutely delicious simmered dishes, very salad like, as they're usually side dishes to larger meals. Anyway, I could eat lotus root kinpira salad all day long, so I think that's what I'm gonna make tomorrow.

Since I got back from Japan, since I got back to Philly, I had been planning this epic shopping trip so I could make Japanese food. I also bought three kinds of noodles, rice... This weekend I'm trying to make all sorts of good stuff! :)

今日　明日　明後日

2009-09-09T05:24:05Z

I got new brakes put on my bike today, one's that fit without all the extra mounting hardware. Parts and labor cost me more than I wanted to spend randomly, but it sure is nice to have a cleaner looking bike. Still, I have to get a basket, fenders, and true my front wheel...

I also got my new camera in the mail today, sent to my mom's house. It's fancy and I don't know how to use it yet. But that's why I'm taking that class at Temple, which goes towards my major, and so yes. I need a camera bag, I guess. But I dislike spending a huge wad of money, and then going on the next day and spending another large sum. It makes me uncomfortable.

I am starting to wish that in the place of people's twitter updates, there were no LJ updates at all. I don't see real posts anymore. Just blurbs. I don't want to read blurbs all the time like this.

I have already managed to run into a couple kids at Temple that studied at Temple Japan, which is in Tokyo, and then visited Osaka or heard stuff about Osaka. I get kind of pissed hearing them write Osaka off as backwater or some lame place with nothing in it. When I ask "Did you go to Ame Mura or Namba?" they look clueless and admit they never heard of those places. So although I knew that Osaka has burrowed a place deep into my heart, my getting irrationally defensive and annoyed at strangers saying it's a shit place seems to prove that no, really, I love that place. New York or Philly, Tokyo or Osaka. Forever.

I'm waiting for two textbooks and two Netflix DVDs. I have to organize all my stationery supplies. I have to go to H-Mart - I must eat lotus root kinpira. I want a cute haircut (ムネさんはどこにおるねん？？？）

All the fashion blogger girls are getting psyched that fashion week is tomorrow. This has no impact whastsoever on my life. I just want these girls to update again. I almost looked at a Vogue magazine while waiting for pictures in CVS the other day. Then I told myself I don't want to look at that humiliating garbage, and that the streets are always better. But that doesn't mean anything...

The Facehunter's other blog is really quite amazing, especially his pictures in Tokyo. It's everything I loved and found charming in Japan, and so it's led me to believe that his current pictures of Moscow and other places are really quite representative of a place's atmosphere for those young hip types.

I've been having strange anxiety lately, and about what I'm not sure. I think it's just because I don't have a job yet and my classes are still just getting it together. Those are the obvious things. The other things concern relationships, as always. Human relationships. I finally read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.

number18 @ 2009-09-03T22:08:00

2009-09-04T02:28:39Z

So I've been trying to get a grip on the wild and crazy shit that has been happening to Philadelphia, and more specifically, it's 20 and 30-somethings, the majority of which tread Temple's North Philly campus five days a week.

From my notebook:

"There seems to be more of:

- those swaggering South Philly boyish hipster looking queer girls
- NO Japanese students (どこいるねん！！！）
- tons (TONS) of pretty, colorful track bikes and single speeds. Baskets and cruiser bars and colored rims. Last time (I think I have pictures to prove it) I was on Temple's campus, all the bikes were used, rusty, and made of spare parts, it seemed.
- cuffed, rolled slim-fitting jeans and slacks, with loafers, boat shoes, and low-key tennis shoes. moccasins too.
- this whole posse of these streetfly Asian kids (of all kinds) where the Japanese students used to hang, in front of Gladfelter
- an ennnndless sea of 80s style Raybans looking sunglasses
- girls with high-waisted skirts and flats

It seems like everybody got a grip on themselves and started dressing well, rather than blindly jocking all those hip stores on Walnut street. In the past week I only saw ONE triblend deep V from American Apparel. It's astounding!

And hot girls abound. Good looking, fit college girls at every turn. Lustrous hair, long shapely legs. Breasts and slender abdomens and good eyebrows. What on EARTH. I marvel at this in the presence of others and am met with general consensus.

Still, regardless of the fact that people's general fashion sense has been improving towards a more tailored (American casual??) look, it doesn't mean people are necessarily trying to stand out any more than before I left. I come back with fresh eyes, but maybe I am not looking well enough. I think I just have to come to terms with Philadelphia's laidback attitude.

I just ordered a camera for my photo class. We'll see what happens.

mid-July

2009-09-03T05:13:43Z

back in Philly

2009-09-02T04:16:00Z

I started to write "back home" but then changed it to "back in Philly" for no good reason other than it felt the right thing to do. That is boding, isn't it.

I've discovered that the dictionary application (not the dashboard widget) on my Mac also has Japanese, Japanese-English, and Japanese Synonyms, which is mind-blowing. There appears to be no other language support in the preferences. At any rate, the display font is lovely and you can also make it huge, so that looking up words (of either language) is a joy in itself.

I am back. I am back from Japan (for three months now). I am back from Middlebury, Vermont (since August 14th). I am back from a visit to my aunt and cousin in Marin County, California, where my small family and I saw San Francisco and Monterey, and all the trees and wildlife of those places and in between. Before going there, by chance, I picked up Jack Kerouac's Dharma Bums from my friends a few houses down to read at leisure, for once, in English. I'd never read any of the beat poets before, and there was this book sitting here. The book takes place mostly in northern California, and Kerouac mentions the very places I happened to travel about on this weeklong trip to California.

This year - last summer to this summer end - has been full of travels. I am amazed when considering where I've been, and there is a silly little widget on Facebook that allows me to pin and track where I've been in the world. Next I will return to Japan, and hopefully make ways out to Europe to see things. Then I'll learn Spanish and head to parts of the world where I can use it. And wherever else.

Returning from a year of learning and speaking Japanese, I am on the verge of proper fluency. But the gap between my current standing and that verge is wide (in fact, by "proper fluency" I do not mean being fluent, but being able to express myself adequately, with a good rhythm and flow when I speak). This week is the first of classes at Temple, and I am doing an independent study with one other girl (Sandy-san) and Yoshida-sensei. I don't have to get a job thanks to generous financial aid this year, but I want some easy part-timer of one or two days a week. I have no frantic, idiotic love interest to distract me. My new place is also a lovely room in one of those big old turn-of-the-century West Philly houses. The cleanswept wood floors and sparseness of my own things is lovely. Downstairs there are two wooden tables of character, one for eating and one for coffee books, with a stereo next to some futon-bed-couches that has hook-ups for all devices. So I'm listening to a cassette tape right now, flanked by two good speakers and a well-placed lamp to my right.

I feel peaceful. But curious. Where next? What next? There is a very dear, very kind soul in Osaka by the name of Nori, driving his little yellow Italian car and bumping Detroit house records, eating potato chips and suffering terrible, chronic congestion from what I believe is the fault of inevitably dusty old tatami mats.

I just want to eat simple food, satisfying food. In California, I ate from my aunt's bounty of beautiful heirloom tomatoes, and come back to Philly to discover Trader Joe's sells a comparatively measly little basket of them for nine dollars!

Today I received my financial aid money for the semester. I have enough to get fenders and a basket for my bike. Next, a camera and a ticket to Osaka.

I feel like I should be focusing on something, though. But perhaps this emptiness and quiet... I feel like I have been escaping it for so long. I fell asleep in my room when I got home, to quiet and light, in my little bed that might as well be a Japanese futon (which are damn comfortable - not like beds claiming to be futons here). It felt good to sleep on a whim. Next to my bed is an enormous white bookcase with shallow shelves, on which I've placed all documents, stationery, and small toys. Information. This house is full of places to read. Workstations. My roommates all seem like industrious, passionate types. An old man, an illustrator, a violinist, and a writer with a lovely, patient voice.

For my room, I only need a small table and cheap magazine files so I can stand documents up instead of having them lying flat, making a waste of space. My things were in my mom's garage while I was gone, and during the summer it flooded over and over again, ravaging most of my books. I conclude that this loss is no thing at all, as most of those books were comics and stuff I don't think I would've read again and was just keeping as some sort of marker of my personality.

Alex, I've been enjoying your cooking updates a lot lately.

I am looking forward to cooking with root vegetables (burdock!) and holding autumn and winter nabe parties. I also received a Winnie the Pooh cookbook from my aunt, which gives recipes for all foods mentioned in the books. Of course, honey is used liberally.

I need to update my flickr, but it takes so much time and I don't want to sit at a computer for so many hours just yet.

My knees are sore from riding from my house to school, a distance which I have not crossed with frequency since when I left last year this time. Good lord.

What have I failed to mention since I last updated? Does anyone have questions? I hate to make huge jumps in events, which I feel I am doing right now.

After Dharma Bums I will read Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep.

My name is Maggie. Nice to meet you.

2009-08-14T04:31:28Z

It's a humid night in Middlebury, Vermont. I've been here for nine weeks now. I know that in Philadelphia there was some flooding ... Here it rained almost every day until the final two weeks. And in the very final week, there is fog, and shooting stars at night, and the smell of my own sweat. Language school is over. People are getting sentimental. I can communicate freely in English again.

I'm listening to a Sade mix by DJ Spinna. Sade means summer. When I get back to Philly I intend to blast Summertime (you know the track) and have a pretzel with some spicy mustard. I hope it's humid there. I haven't had to suffer in the heat yet this year, and I feel at a loss because of it. Middlebury is a quiet green place with a huge sky and billowing clouds.

I've had a lot of peculiar transient moments where I wanted to write in English, record some of the things I've seen and felt... I could've done it in Japanese, but it would've taken too much time out of my schedule for studying and homework. I did update my mixi here and there, but it was mostly about my struggles in learning, and after a point I stopped writing that sort of stuff because it's not nice to those who would so earnestly read my updates.

My teachers told me today to keep trying my best. That I really became good at speaking, and that my final presentation was excellent. When I get back at school I want to start some sort of Japanese-only speaking club. Strict like here, No English Allowed. I can speak Japanese now. Funny Japanese, but I can do it. I fumble when I switch into English, with its essentially reverse sentence structure.

There's a lot of farms out here. It smells like manure often. I took a rented bike ride in the middle of July and saw nothing but mountains and clouds, and a rooster with the exact coloring as the one tattooed on my back. I didn't get a picture. I want to take a nice picture of my tattoo, but there's still some scar tissue over the big chrysanthemum. On top of this, since I haven't ridden a bike (every day) for nine weeks, and have sat on my ass everyday for most of the day ... My ass has gotten soft and lost some of its roundness. I do not like this at all.

Well... anyway.

助け

2009-07-30T00:24:49Z

今夜は雨。
ときどきファイスブック大嫌い。
フィリーに帰りたい。
ここで頑張るのやる気がだんだん減っている。
膝に最近変な痛みがある。
自転車乗りたい。
毎日勉強しているばかりから太っちゃった。
困っている。
友達はどこにいるか？　

どうしよう。。。

本当に白人ばかりがいるところ、あんまり好きじゃないな。

もう１つ

2009-07-27T02:46:15Z

あ、そしてまた英語でも書けることになれば、たくさん新しい話を書こうと決めた。そのブレンダンっていうbullshit（など）を打ち勝つために。うん。決めた。

もう１つ，もう１つ！

誰かが一眼レフデジカメを買ってくれませんか。

２つの最近思い知ったこと

2009-07-27T02:30:08Z

１。私は泣きやすい女の子になっちゃったな。

２。ブレンダンの新しい（まあ，今「普通」かな）彼女とブレンダン、そいつ、たまらないな。ほんまに。なぜ私の過去を忘れることが難しいか分からない。易しくなかったら、めっちゃすばらしいやな！　さあ，フィリーに帰る時ブレンダンと遊ぼうかな。そいつはいつも私を傷つけていて、今そいつのゆうことに信頼がないことや。ミドルベリーに行く前、ブレンダンと付き合っていた時、私が傷つかせられたって言っていた。だってその事件が起こった時何も全然言わなかったで！ささいなmotherfuckerやな. ほんまに。

日本語で足りる泣き言の言葉を知らないで！！！！　教えて下さい，誰か！

yamashita tatsurou

2009-07-24T18:36:39Z

どうぞ。

やばい

2009-07-13T19:28:21Z

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ほんまにー

おもろい！

2009-07-04T04:02:53Z

分かる？